The “R” Word

The R word – R for RELATIONSHIPS.  As social animals human beings thrive in relationships. It’s what we are about. Dealing with any sort of major change in a relationship is both unsettling and can push it to and even beyond breaking point. On top of all the business worries and uncertainty of stepping out on your own as an entrepreneur is also the fact that a significant number of relationships do not survive the initial business start up years. Long hours, irritability, stress and no time for partners or family are the things that failed relationships are made of. It’s bad enough when the budding entrepreneur is the male of the species; unfortunately Tycoon Women have the added worry of future success to put the final death nail into their relationship. A recent article in Cosmopolitan magazine highlighted the correlation between successful women and failed relationships.

Now that you know what you are up against, as always the smart approach it to be aware of the signs and take the necessary precautions to avoid your business venture being damaging for your family and your relationship. It would be ironic if your business was the end of your relationship when, for many budding Tycoon Women, one of the key reasons for choosing to become your own boss is to be able to be mistress of your time so that you can spend more of it with the people you love.

So what are some of the warning signs that you are neglecting your relationship and could be in danger of it disappearing down the plug hole as you let out the bath water! Answer the questions below to find out if it’s time to schedule in quality partner time into your busy tycoon programme. Whilst no single questionnaire can accurately reflect the state of a relationship, your answers to these questions will help spotlight what you may have missed.

The term “love partner” is used to cover all partners in committed relationships.

1. On average, each day, I spend this amount of time talking alone with my love partner
a. ____ less than 5 minutes
b. ____ between 5 to ten minutes
c. ____ between 10 to 20 minutes
d. ____ more than 30 minutes but less than an hour
e. ____ more than an hour each day

2. I am intimate with my love partner on average each month
a. ____ more than 10 times
b. ____ more than 5 but less than 10 times
c. ____ less than 5 times

3. I feel that my love partner
a. ____ truly appreciates me.
b. ____ mostly appreciates me.
c. ____ rarely appreciates me.
d. ____ Does not appreciate me at all.

4. I feel that my love partner
a. ____ truly understands me and is always willing to talks to me about my thoughts and feelings
b. ____ mostly understands me and is occasionally willing to talks to me about my thoughts and feelings.
c. ____ frequently does not understand me and is unwilling to talk to me about my thoughts and feelings.
d. ____ does not understand me and is unwilling to talk to me about my thoughts and feelings.

5. I feel that:
a. ____.We spend alone time together often but we ought to do it more frequently.
b. ____ We do spend enough time alone together.
c. ____ We do not spend enough time alone together

6. Please choose the statement that mostly reflects your views from each pair below.

I feel that generally:
a. ____ Other aspects of my love partner’s life are more important to him than our relationship.
b. ____ Other aspects of my love partner’s life are not more important to him than our relationship.

a. ____ We are no longer interested in the same things.
b. ____ We are still interested in the same things.

a. ____ We are intimate too infrequently.
b. ____ We are intimate frequently enough.

a. ____ I am dissatisfied with the physical element (sex) of our relationship
b. ____ I find the physical element (sex) of our relationship satisfying

a. ____ My love partner demands too much of my attention
b. ____ My love partner is undemanding of me.

a. ____ My love partner has significantly neglected their appearance.
b. ____ My love partner has not significantly neglected their appearance.

7. My love partner loses their temper and is moody and angry:
a. ____ Often
b. ____ Not often

8. In the past six months I have been angry at my love partner:
a. ____ Frequently
b. ____ Sometimes
c. ____ Hardly
d. ____ Not at all

Answer Key

1. a-0, b-5, c-7, d-10
2. a-10, b-5, c-0
3. a-10, b-7, c-3, d-0
4. a-10, b-7, c-3, d-0
5. a-2, b-5, c-0
6. a-0, b-3; a-0, b-1; a-0, b-3; a-0, b-2; a-0, b-1; a-0, b-1
7. a-0, b-1
8. a-0, b-4, c-10, d-10

If your score was:

55–66 points: Your relationship is in good shape so keep doing what you are doing.

30–55 points: Some work is needed here so pay attention to how much time you are spending growing your empire at the expense of your relationship. Make time to take time out to spend quality time with your love partner by scheduling it into your routine. If you are finding it difficult to reconnect to your partner, consider seeking professional help from a relationship counsellor or coach.

0–30 points: Unfortunately, it’s likely there are underlying issues and sadness which are being exacerbated by spending more time running your business than working on your relationship. Seek help immediately as focused attention is crucial to creating a happier relationship.

Why not get your love partner to answer the questions too and compare your answers.

image: Love Flames by Danilo Rizzuti

About Ola Agbaimoni

Known as "The Business Detective" due to her "Sherlock Holmes" like problem solving abilities, Ola works in partnership with her sister Carole Pyke, The Business Bard. Together they run Eélan Media, a new type of Business growth agency offering a forensic approach to business and a creative approach to marketing. As well as being an expert in business planning, training and development, Ola is also a certified coach, NLP practitioner; an accomplished author, speaker and presenter.

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