How the fear of feeling is a barrier to your success

The ability to create true wealth in your life that is to live a life where you are successful wealthy and happy doing what you love requires you to take action.  However, many people do not take action because they are afraid of failing and the unpleasant feelings that normally accompany failure.

Not wanting to experience failure is the mantra of the ego and actually stops you taking action, therefore it causes you to “fail”.  So if what is currently stopping you taking the action towards achieving the life you know you should be living is the fear of failing;  or the fear of putting your head above the parapet  and being seen; or even if it’s the fear of being ridiculed, then lets experience it!

It’s a fact! You are going to “fail”!  People will ignore you.  Everyone is not going to love you and you will be criticised.  As a result you will feel low.  You will feel like giving up and You will feel broken and crushed.  You will not be able to avoid pain if you want to live life to the full.  Pain is part of your life.  Pain is an indicator that You are alive and that You need to take action.  You will not be everyone’s cup of tea.  No matter how wonderful and charming and nice You are, there will always be someone who doesn’t resonate with You.

100% of everyone is not the target.  100% of You is!

If the above feels horrible it is because it horrible.  This is not about numbing yourself to the pain.  This is about accepting that you will feel the pain; that it will be what it is and to feel horrible, yucky, upset and like it’s not fair is okay.

It’s okay to feel your feelings.  It’s okay to know that they are real and trying to put a veneer over them is like pebble dashing a house.  It may look pretty on the outside (clearly a matter of taste) but if it is crumbling on the inside it will eventually fall down.

So let’s hold what is, really feel what you are feeling in the moment, because it is what it is.  Sitting with your pain and fears and acknowledging that they are real is step one.

Step two is easy; it is feeling your feelings and breathing.  Think of it like childbirth.  Even if you have never given birth yourself, you will be aware that women in labour are told to breathe through the pain as opposed to resist it.  This is because the more you tense up and try to push away the pain, the more the tension intensifies the pain.  So as in childbirth, relax and breathing into the fear; surrender to your fear to the knowledge that feelings are harmless.  It is actions that cause the damage, not the feeling (this includes involuntary actions too).  Consequently if your heart rate is elevated and you are releasing high levels of stress hormones into your blood stream as a result of your fear; it is this that is doing the damage not the feeling.

Relax and breathe deeply.  Visualise yourself surrendering and falling into the feeling.  Now become aware that you are being held by an energy field so powerful that as you fall back into it, it suspends you in mid air and allows you to float freely.  As if you are weightless and there is no gravity to pull you back to Earth.  You can’t possibly fall, no matter how high you are.  So every time your feelings start to overwhelm you, allow yourself to fall back and be held here, because here you are safe.  Nothing can harm you.  Nothing has any power unless you give power to it.

Breathe and with each breath allow your feelings to be felt as you are supported by the energy force that cannot let you go, cannot detach from you.  This is your eternal umbilical cord.  It gives you life and takes away the waste materials circulating in your body which are the by product of your feelings. i.e., the tension; the resistance to taking action; the wild images of things going wrong dominating your thoughts.   This natural process happens regardless of your intervention.  It doesn’t stop just because you feel your feelings. Your feelings become less painful the more you relax and allow the tension to drain away.

Step 3 is not NOT to feel , BUT to feel more!  To embrace how you feel and to completely accept that it is ok because this is just how you feel, not who you are. Feelings don’t come with automatic labels. Feeling anger doesn’t make you aggressive anymore than feeling happy makes you friendly. Actions attract labels not feelings. Punching someone in the face is aggressive and saying hello to someone is friendly. Clearly it is possible to feel anger and choose not to punch someone; or to feel happy and choose not say hello. In step three you get to choose.   Now you get to decide what action to take. It is your choice and every choice is okay.  There are no “wrong” choices.  It’s whatever supports you and is good for all and in that moment with these three caveats.  It serves you. It’s good for all or it does no harm either to you or others.  So before you choose take time to ask yourself these 3 questions

  1. How does this serve me?
  2. Is it good for all?
  3. Does it do any harm?

Being real about how you are feeling means that your subconscious mind no longer needs to dream up strategies to protect you from your feelings. As a result you will become clearer on what is that is preventing you taking action. The clearer your understanding and awareness of what is holding you back the easier it becomes to overcome it.  The easier it becomes to take the actions that line your path to true wealth.


True wealth is a mindset.  Whilst we are busy creating positive thoughts about our relationship with money and our relationship with ourselves; our less than conscious mind is still working through the thoughts that are the result of our lifetime of conditioning.  Our conditioning has created our limiting beliefs and negative perceptions about our relationship with money and our relationship with our self.  As we are not consciously aware of them. We are also not consciously aware of what feelings these thoughts create.  We just experience the feelings and then our conscious mind makes up a back story to go with them.  If you want to know more about how changing your back story can  help  you to attract more wealth and abundance in your personal and professional life,  sign up to  download my free report and start changing your life today.

About Ola Agbaimoni

Known as "The Business Detective" due to her "Sherlock Holmes" like problem solving abilities, Ola works in partnership with her sister Carole Pyke, The Business Bard. Together they run Eélan Media, a new type of Business growth agency offering a forensic approach to business and a creative approach to marketing. As well as being an expert in business planning, training and development, Ola is also a certified coach, NLP practitioner; an accomplished author, speaker and presenter.

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